my life

We are told everyday that there is a reason for everything and there is a reason we are here today in this world. I’ve been living over 16 years to find that reason and I haven’t found it yet. I just have an empty feeling of not being wanted and not being able to fit it. I go to school everyday with a smile and laughter but it’s only to cover up my true self and at this point I’m tired of faking my happiness. Why should I have to fake myself to please others who don’t even appreciate my existence. They call themselves my “friends” “sisters” “brothers” and etc. but they’re never there for me when I actually need them, I’m tired of being people’s second choice. Everyone just assume they can treat me as if I’m invisible and come to me when they need me because they expect me to be there waiting for them, but no, not anymore, I’m too tired for that. I ask myself what I’ve been doing with my life the past 16 years…I haven’t found a single friend who I am comfortable with talking about anything and everything and just being myself or just someone who can understand me without me explaining what’s wrong. And all parents care about grades, do they even care about how I feel or have a clue on what I’m going through, sometimes I wish there’s a mute button on them so I can’t hear what they’re saying, because their words mean nothing to me anymore and they mean nothing to me. I can’t even remember the last time I was genuinely relaxed and happy. People say life is too short, but in my case life is and has been way too long. I want this journey of finding my true self, what I want to be, who I want to be, where I wan to be…to just end. I lost myself & I feel as if life would be more peaceful to me and others if I was just gone.